


Running From Your Attentive Hands

by CalamityRondo



Series: Attention Whore [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Closeted!Louis, Coming Out, Eleanor is angry, Harry Is Oblivious, Louis is terrified, Louis still likes to run, M/M, Riding, Rimming, Top!Harry, Ziall is adorable, bottom!Louis, breaking up, larry stylinson - Freeform, married!Harry, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 12:27:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityRondo/pseuds/CalamityRondo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After having had another one-night stand with Harry--who is married to one Miss Taylor Swift--Louis is at a loss about what to do. He doesn't want to repeat the same mistake time and time again, but it just happens when Harry is over for a movie night with the lads. Everything after is a blur. And then Louis spills his secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running From Your Attentive Hands

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank all you lovely people who keep reading, supporting and commenting this fic. I've never written quite so much in so little time in my life before. You guys just keep me motivated to no end! As promised the story will finally move forward some. I hope you all enjoy! :)
> 
> There is really no excuse for two grown men to do it without protection again, but shit happens, okay? Just don't think it's cool (outside of fics). I will try for this to be the last time it happens ;)
> 
> Please also note that this story is completely unbeta'd. I do proofreading but only after I've published it, so please bear with any typos and such..

When Louis comes back, he is exhausted, physically as well as mentally. Just when he has almost started pushing everything that has happened to the back of his mind to let it be buried there, he goes and does something as stupid as sleeping with Harry again. On his walk through London he has seriously considered throwing himself into the Thames for his stupidity, and for being a horrible friend and a terrible boyfriend and for being a liar... the list just goes on and on. But after all, he has gone back to Zayn's and Niall's flat nonetheless. He may be a runner, but he is not a coward like that, although he is a giant coward, he thinks.

Luckily, the only people in the flat, when he returns, are Niall and Zayn, Harry nowhere to be seen, and Louis actually sighs in relief at that, because he is not prepared to deal with all that awkwardness. The lads greet him happily, and Louis tries to be nice in return, but all he can think about is getting in the shower and stand under the warm spray for hours on end.

"I feel dead. I'm going to take a shower", he announces to avoid any questions to where he has been. The boys nod at him, and Louis only stops directly in front of the bathroom door, when Zayn calls out to him.

"Louis?"

Louis' heart stops before it starts beating full force. He feels like sweat is immediately breaking out on his neck. The living room is tidied up and apparently Harry has opened the window before he has gone, because Louis can't smell sex in the air--which he is very thankful for--but Zayn might have noticed something nonetheless. Louis gulps and turns to his friend. He has been found out, he is sure, they will give him hell for what he has done.

"Yeah?", he asks tentatively. For a split second he thinks it's good that he has had sex with Harry before his life is ended by his friends.

"Please look the door next time you're going out, yeah?"

Louis almost slumps with the relief that washes over him. He got nervous for nothing, but he thinks he deserves that, because people who have done something terribly wrong always jump to wrong conclusions. He flexes his sweaty hands.

"I will. Sorry."

The second the words are out he all but runs into the bathroom, gets naked in a matter of seconds and jumps into the shower. He turns the tap to scorching hot and just lets his body soak. The air turns humid quickly. Here, in the small, wet space, enclosed in a spray of hot water that soothes at least some of his physical aches, he lets himself think everything he normally denies with fervor. _I'm gay_ , he thinks. _I'm gay, and I like guys and dicks. I'm not attracted to girls. I'm gay._ And almost as an afterthought--because this one is even harder to admit than the others--he adds, _I like Harry._

Before he knows it a sob is wrenched from his lips, but he will not cry, he won't. He is a big boy and his sexuality shouldn't freak him like it does. You don't go crying over your sexuality at the age of 23. He has had some meaningless fucks with guys before Eleanor, always where nobody knows him so he can't be recognized, and he has always felt bad afterwards, guilty and wrong, but he has done it, he has been with guys. He knows it and yet he crouches down on the floor of the shower nonetheless and starts crying for real.

He squeezes his eyes shut. Hiccups are shaking his whole body, and fuck, this shouldn't be so hard. He shouldn't be dealing with shit like this. Maybe it's payback for all the times he has hurt others with his snide comments or stupid pranks, but this is really more than he has asked for. His life is freaking fucked up, and Louis wishes he could lead an easy life like Liam, being the sweet, lovable guy next door whom every girl adores and who likes girls just fine. But Louis is stuck being a cowardly liar with a girlfriend he doesn't love, who fucks up his friend's life and who wants nothing more than a sexy sweet guy to love, but is too afraid to admit that.

He should have come out of the closet in high school, because now, he doesn't know how to do that anymore.

* * *

When he finally emerges from the bathroom what feels like an eternity later, his skin numb and raw from the never ending spray of scorching water, he finds Zayn and Niall in front of the stove. Niall's back is pressed to Zayn's front, the darker boy having his arm around the other in a tight lock, presumably to render him immobile, because Niall can never keep his hands to himself when there is food present. Zayn has his head on Niall's shoulder while he stirs in a giant pot.

For once, Louis is conflicted how to feel about the image he is presented. Until a few hours ago, he would have probably found this too adorable too be true and would have gone right to teasing the two about it, but now he feels something inside him twist at seeing his friends almost cuddling and apparently very happy. It's wrong of him, he should be happy for them--whatever it is they have--but he just can't bring himself to, not right now.

He walks over to the couch, finds himself something to wear and dresses himself. His friends must have noticed him by now, because they almost jump apart, and Louis would find that hilarious, if he wasn't in such a sour mood. Niall bounces over to him, his eyes twinkling.

"Zayn is making Irish stew!", he exclaims happily, and that immediately explains why Niall seems overjoyed. "It will still take some time, so come over, yeah?"

Niall has reaches for Louis' arm and tugs at it lightly. Louis follows him to the kitchen area. Zayn turns around to him, too, and Louis feels like they are both looking at him expectantly, just waiting for him to start talking. Louis stands between them, not doing anything, because he doesn't know what the hell they want from him.

"So, Lou..", Zayn starts, and Louis blanches. A few hours ago Harry has used that nick while fucking him, and the others rarely call him that. He feels mortification creep up on him, an almost humiliated blush making his way up his neck.

"Are you alright?", Zayn asks. Louis bites his cheek to keep himself from saying something stupid.

"What do you mean?"

Zayn crosses his arms and looks straightly at him. Five years ago, he would have averted his gaze and maybe even stuttered, but he has grown up, Louis concludes.

"You've been acting a bit strange since you came back. And actually, you never leave the flat for hours without telling us where you are. We were a bit worried--still are. Has something happened?"

Louis is a tiny little bit relieved that Zayn talks about the general situation instead of his funny reactions he has just given him, but then again Zayn asking him any questions about his situation is bad enough.

"Everything's fine", he says as smoothly as he can muster. Zayn raises an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced.

"Are you sure? You know you can talk to us, if anything is up."

Out of the corner of his eyes Louis sees Niall nod along to his flatmate, and _oh my god_ , Niall knows what is wrong with Louis, so if they are this interested in Louis' life, why doesn't he just tell Zayn? He probably has, and now they just wait for Louis to tell them himself. But Louis is not ready for that, he may very well never be, and he doesn't want to talk about himself right now, not after having had sex with Harry only a little while ago.

He crosses his arms now, staring intently at Zayn. "Everything. Is. Fine." He emphasizes every word, and he is sure he has just told them he was lying, but he doesn't care. He just wants for them to leave him alone.

His friend huffs and turns back to the stove. His actions clearly saying 'fine, be that way'.

"I'm glad then that you are okay", he says, and Louis realizes that Zayn is not that good of an actor as he has always thought, his tone betraying his words completely.

"Yeah, me too", Louis adds a little sarcastically. He avoids looking at Niall because he knows how his friend will look at him for being a mean pain in the ass.

"The food is almost ready. You two can go take a seat", Zayn says still with his back to Louis and Niall. "Oh, and before I forget, Harry is coming over somewhere around this week. With Taylor away already, he is feeling a little lonely. We will cheer him up a bit."

Louis gapes at Zayn's back. He can't be serious! He can't invite Harry, Louis is still crashing here and he will have to meet him that way. He can't see Harry. He wants to go back to exchange friendly emails with him every now and then instead of meeting Harry every week. Oh, he is so fucked now. But at least he can tell from the way Niall is also disbelievingly gaping at Zayn that he hasn't told him about the restroom incident yet. It's a cold comfort.

* * *

True to Zayn's words Harry arrives two days later, smiling at all three of his friends with that one dimple smile, and Louis' stomach drops at realizing that maybe Harry should be the professional actor instead of him for the brilliant performance of acting as if nothing's wrong. Louis has considered spending the day in town, leaving before Harry arrives and coming back long after he is gone or just staying that night somewhere else if Harry decides to crash, but he ought to put his acting skill to use, too. He is expected to be happy to see Harry for the first time after his honey moon trip, so he stays and hopes he can endure an entire day of Harry Styles.

Harry pulls each of them into hugs, Zayn and Niall hugging him back tightly and telling him how happy they are for him. They immediately start asking questions about his honey moon—Niall a little less than Zayn, but he seems interested enough—but Harry luckily dodges all their questions with a twinkling smile and says 'a gentleman never tells'. Louis is glad that he does, because he doesn't want to hear about Harry shagging Taylor's brain out. Zayn tells him off for being a dick, though, what just makes Harry smile even more.

“I really have been a giant dick these past weeks”, Harry counters in his deep voice, and _eww_ , that's more than Louis has wanted to know. Zayn pats Harry on the shoulder and seems overly proud of him. Louis wants to puke. Fortunately, they proceed to the couch then, each taking a seat to watch a movie (that Harry has brought), Niall sitting on Zayn's lap, because four people don't fit on the thing.

Three voices groan in unison when the opening music of Titanic begins to play.

“What?”, Harry asks. “You know I love that movie!”

“We do”, his friends answer. It shouldn't be a surprise that Harry wants to see it, Louis knows. You could wake Harry in the middle of the night and ask what movie he wants to watch and Harry's answer would always be 'Titanic'.

What is a surprise to Louis, though, is how nice the time with the lads get. They watch that movie together, Zayn, Niall and himself always making comments about every scene which frustrates Harry until he begins to loudly speak the lines in sync with the movie. Louis occasionally joins him, because he has watched that bloody thing half a million times with Harry and he is very good at remembering lines (he is an actor after all). But Zayn and Niall could probably do it as well seeing as how Harry has always made them watch it.

They laugh so much together that Louis actually forgets the uncomfortable feeling of being around Harry.

When the credits finally roll, he gets up from where he has been tucked between Zayn and Harry.

“I'm gonna decide what we watch next, and it will be something from the collection of these fine gentlemen”, he says and points at Niall and Zayn.

“Uhm.. Do you by any chance own 'Titanic'?”, Harry asks bemusedly.

“No, they don't!” Louis smacks him on the back of his head for good measure.

“Actually, we do”, Zayn admits in a small voice.

Louis huffs indignantly. “I'm not going to watch it twice in a row!”

“Then maybe after whatever we watch next?” The amount of hope in Harry's voice is almost funny. Louis jumps at him and pulls him into a headlock. Harry flails and laughs, the sound rumbling gently through Louis' body. This is exactly like high school again.

“Okay, okay, fine, no more Titanic!”, Harry finally squawks and Louis releases him satisfied. They settle for Iron Man then, and Harry doesn't even complain, because Iron Man has enough romance in it. They share popcorn and laugh some more and eventually they even sort of cuddle into each other.

Somewhere through the second part Louis feels a weight drop onto his right shoulder blade. It's Niall's head that has lolled forward for the Irishman is fast sleep. He tries to get a look at Zayn—he can't really move with Niall's weight on him—but since Zayn has not pulled Niall off of him, he thinks the darker boy is asleep as well.

“I bet Niall sleeps on Zayn's lap all the time”, Louis whispers to Harry whose shoulder he is using as a pillow.

“You wanna sleep on my lap, too?”, Harry asks and the hand that is wrapped around Louis squeezes his hip gently. Louis snuggles deeper into him.

“And risk getting constantly poked by your boner? Thanks, but no thanks.”

Harry's laugh is quiet and deep, and it stirs something in Louis. A second large palm is placed on his stomach where it begins slowly caressing him. Some fingers find their way under his shirt.

“You'd love that, Lou”, Harry says quietly with his nose buried in Louis' hair. The tanned boy swallows. Harry is right, he would love to have Harry's dick against him all the time.

“You know.. you're right.” Louis curses the three beers he has had that make him say honest shit like this. But Harry doesn't seem bothered and just continues touching Louis everywhere he can reach. Louis rubs his head against Harry's shoulder and purrs. The taller seems to take that as an invitation and slides his hand on Louis' stomach even lower, lightly cupping his crotch. Louis moans quietly and arches into the touch as much as he can without waking Niall.

“If you do that”, Louis begins but pauses to nip at Harry's neck. “I will want you in me in the next five minutes.”

Harry presses his hand with more force. “Don't overestimate yourself. You already want that, because you always want it.”

“Yeah, I want that”, Louis answers, breathing over the spot he has just nibbled on. His cock is already hard inside his pants, straining against the material and Harry's hand. Arousal is cursing through his veins, and it makes Louis needy and willing.

“Shit, tell me exactly what you want, Lou.”

Louis shudders upon hearing how breathy Harry sounds. He seems to be turned on as much as Louis himself, so Louis snakes a hand between Harry's legs, feeling the hard tent, and ghost his fingers around it.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry. I want you to fuck me so good with your amazing dick.”

He feels Harry's cock twitch at his words, so he palms it roughly to make Harry groan. They both try to hump the other's hand by now without moving too much, so that their friends won't wake up.

“Let's get up, so I can do exactly that”, Harry murmurs and is already standing up, pulling Louis up with him. Niall lands face first on the couch with a thud, but doesn't wake up. Louis looks around the apartment searching. They can't exactly go to the bedroom, that's a no, so that only leaves the bathroom, but they are both quite tipsy, so Louis doesn't want to do it standing up, but Harry is already dragging him to the door that leads out into the hallway.

Once outside, Harry presses him against the wall next to the door and kisses him like a madman.

“Where are we going?”, Louis asks when Harry detaches himself for a few seconds.

“Here”, Harry grunts and dives back in for more kisses.

“Here?”, Louis squawks, but his hands are betraying his words, because he is already pulling off Harry's shirt, as always marveling at those sinful abs. He doesn't get a verbal reply, but Harry rubbing their clothed erections together is answer enough. Then his hands are tugging at Louis' clothes, and it's only a matter of a minute before they are both fully naked.

Sinking onto his knees, Harry eyes Louis' dick hungrily. He licks a wet stripe on the underside up to the head where he tongues at the slit, making Louis moan and bang his head against the wall. Harry blows on the wet skin, before he slides his lips around the girth. The wet heat is wonderful, and Louis is only kept from thrusting by Harry's hands at his hips. He wants to fuck his mouth, to get more of that wet drag of tongue, but Harry is inching lower like a snail, breathing heavily through his nose.

Just when Louis thinks he might come from being pleasured torturing slowly, Harry starts to bop his head up and down, and Louis has to bite his lip to keep from moaning like a bitch. Harry sucks on his length with hollowed cheeks, and it's amazing. Louis claws helplessly at Harry's shoulder with one hand, the other tangling in the mess of curls. There is the familiar feeling of his ball drawing up, he is close, shit, he is so close from just a few minutes of a blow job.

“Harry..”, he whines. “Harry, wait. Wanna come with you inside of me.”

The younger one lets go of his dick with a wet sound. “You will”, he assures Louis before going right back to work. This time Louis cries a little and bucks his hips helplessly. Harry lowers one hand to cup his balls, and then everything's over and Louis comes in thick spurts down Harry's throat. Harry swallows every drop, licking Louis clean afterwards. Louis pants, the orgasm making his legs weak.

“Turn around, Lou.”

He obeys and turns around with shaking legs which Harry promptly spreads. Harry is still kneeling on the floor, Louis' ass now directly in front of his face. He spreads the fleshy cheeks, revealing Louis' tight pink hole. Leaning forward, he licks gently over it, making Louis moan filthily. His own dick is an angry red, though, and desperately wants attention, so Harry tries to keep the teasing to a minimum. He points his tongue and breaches the pucker. Louis' hips buck back immediately, fucking himself onto Harry's face, and Harry lets him.

He pushes his tongue in as deep as he can, licking at his velvety walls. Louis' nails make eery scratching sounds where he digs them into the wall. Harry fucks his tongue in and out of Louis' hole, but the tongue alone won't suffice as preparation for his cock, so he reluctantly pulls back and quickly slicks his own fingers with saliva. Louis takes the first easily, so Harry just presses the second in.

Louis pushes back onto the fingers. He has missed the feeling of being penetrated, the slight burn that came with the stretch, even though only two days ago he has gotten some. But he thinks he might be addicted to feeling body parts of Harry in him, and that's why he is not letting this opportunity go to waste. Harry scissors his finger in him and Louis moans breathlessly.

“Come on, Haz, give me the third. I want your cock already.”

His own dick hasn't come back to life yet—he is no teenager anymore—but it twitches interestedly. But whether he gets hard or not, he wants Harry, and he wants him to fuck him now. Luckily, Harry hastily complies, pressing a third finger in and fucking Louis with it a few times before pulling out again.

“You will have to get me wet, Lou, so I can fuck you real good”, Harry says, his deep voice thick with arousal. Louis detaches himself from the wall, motioning for Harry to lean against it. Harry sits on the floor, his legs spread, and Louis crouches down between them. He takes Harry's cock into his mouth, sucking on it hastily, not wanting to pleasure just wanting to get it wet enough. Harry pulls his head off after a few moments.

“That will suffice.”

Louis nods and crawls onto Harry's lap. Harry holds his dick steady while Louis sinks down on it. The older one hisses at the stretch, but he knows how good it will feel in a matter of seconds, so he just slams his hips down, forcing Harry to go in all the way. They both moan at that, Harry bucking off the floor involuntarily. Louis doesn't wait to adjust to the fullness, instead raising his hips immediately and lowering them in a snap.

Harry clutches at his waist, not directing him, merely needing something of Louis to hold onto. Louis' hands are on Harry's shoulders, helping him pull himself up. They breath into each other's mouths while they move together, trying to press their lips together, but the constant up and down movements make that impossible.

Louis bounces on Harry's lap, still trying to find the right angle, and then finally Harry presses against his prostate and Louis bites forcefully on Harry's lower lip to stifle his scream. He can taste blood on his tongue, and he soothingly licks over the abused lip as soon as he can think again. Harry holds him in the right position now, bucking his hips up and stabbing his prostate over and over again. Louis sobs a little, his dick is now back to full hardness and the urge to welcome overwhelming again. He begs Harry to go faster, harder, anything, because he is like putty in Harry's arms and just lets himself be fucked.

Dipping his head down, Harry sucks an angry red mark into Louis' collarbone, and Louis just encourages him, a steady stream of filthy moans now falling freely from his lips. His hands slide down Harry's sweat slick shoulders to his chest, scratching his nails lightly over the taut nubs there. Harry gives a particularly hard thrust at that and Louis in turn clenches tight around him. Pleasure sparks through both of them.

Louis arches his back. He needs to come now, he feels raw from all the pleasure and the tightening in his balls is nearly unbearable. With some effort he wraps his own hand around his dick, tugging sloppily. Harry is still ramming into his prostate, and then all of the sudden the tight coil in his stomach unravels and he shoots his jizz over his hand and Harry's chest with a silent scream. His walls clamp down on Harry. He can hear the other groan when he releases his hot cum deep into Louis.

They slump exhausted against each other, their heated skin slowly cooling. Harry begins to kiss Louis' neck and Louis just closes his eyes and relaxes against the ministrations. That is, until his heart begins to hammer as realization hits him that he has done it again. How, how in the hell, can he be so stupid as to do it _again_?! It's the third time now that they have had sex, and each time Louis feels worse afterwards. But he doesn't get up right away. He actually wants to stay and enjoy the post-coital bliss, and really, he has already done the thing, so why should he run now?

He lets Harry trace lazy patterns on his back with his fingers. Another lovebite is sucked into his skin.

“Mh, wanna keep you forever, Lou”, Harry mumbles against his skin. That has Louis jerk upright, because forever is the thing that is reserved for Taylor only and her alone. How can he happily cuddle with Harry here while he knows he has just made Harry cheat on her again? He is disgusted with himself.

Before Harry can complain, Louis has detangled himself from him, snatching up his clothes from the floor. He runs back into the flat, not even caring if Zayn and Niall are awake again to see him come in naked. He just needs to get his things. His friends are still sleeping, so Louis can search for something clean to wear undisturbed. He puts on the first clothes he finds, throwing the rest into his bag.

He is blind with rage for himself. He cannot stay here where he will meet Harry constantly, not when every time they see each other they do things as stupid as this. He cannot keep ruining Harry's life. He needs to get away. Having packed some of his things, he takes his bag and leaves the flat. Harry is still there, now redressed.

“Where are you going?”, he asks, but Louis ignores him and pushes past him. Harry catches his wrist. “Lou, what's wrong? Where are you going again?”

“Don't touch me!”, Louis hisses and wrenches his wrist from Harry's grip. He uses the second that Harry stares at him dumbfoundly to break into a run. He doesn't look back, and he is certain he won't come back either.

* * *

“Louis? You're back!”

A voice startles Louis from the light slumber he has been in. Eleanor's face comes into focus above him. She is smiling sweetly, and Louis tries for a sleepy smile in return. He doesn't feel like he succeeds, though.

He has been spending his days on the couch in home in Manchester since he has fled from London. Eleanor has been on a field trip, or so the post-it on the kitchen table has said, so he has been alone for three days. He doesn't remember much of his days, having spent them only half-conscious in front of the TV with lots of alcohol to keep him company. He has turned off his phone in advance, so that he wouldn't be able to drunk dial anyone. He didn't want to get reached by anyone, either.

Eleanor tries to awkwardly hug him while he is still lying down, but he brushes her off. She frowns at him.

“Don't touch me”, he says in a flat tone. Her eyebrows draw together.

“What's wrong?”

He sits up slowly, he is a little dizzy. Eleanor sits down next to him. She shoots him a concerned look and puts her hand on his thigh. He takes her wrist and rids himself of her touch again.

“Don't touch me!”, he says again, a little more agitated.

“What's up with you?”, Eleanor shoots back, now irritated.

The words are out of his mouth before he can think them over. “I want to break up.” But as soon as they are spoken aloud, he realizes that they're true. He likes Eleanor, she is an awesome girl to befriend, but he doesn't love her, never has. He has known it, but he has tried so desperately to be normal that it hasn't bothered him until he has met Harry again. But now, he doesn't want to pretend to love her any longer. He has no energy left for that, he has almost none left for himself.

“I..” Eleanor looks hurt and confused at him. “Why?”

“Since when do I need a reason to break up with my girlfriend?”

Eleanor's gaze changes from confused to incredulous. “Since you and me have been together for eight months and you will fucking tell me what this is about! First, you just vanish for almost three weeks without calling me once, and now you just come back telling me you want to break up without even giving me a reason? Think again, Tomlinson!”

He can understand her irritation, but he has no energy left to care. He doesn't want to hurt her on purpose, he just feels so feeble. Actually, he feels so feeble he doesn't even think about lying again.

“I'm gay”, he says. It's the first he has said that out loud to anyone. It feels refreshing and at the same time terrifying. A few moments pass and then the corner of Eleanor's mouth quirk up.

“Oh, good one, Louis. I almost bought that! You little shit, don't scare me like that!” Her tone becomes quieter when she realized he doesn't laugh along with her. She swallows nervously. “Are you serious?”

He nods.

“Since when do you know?”, she asks in a small voice, and Louis decides he can very well stick to the truth now.

“Since high school.”

Her expression is now downright murderous. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh echoes through the room. Louis' cheeks is stinging where Eleanor has hit him.

“Are you kidding me? That is not funny, Louis, not at all! I can't believe what a jerk you are! You knew! You _knew_! Why did you even agree to dating me? Louis, for god's sake, we've had sex! God, this is so humiliating! This is where you have been the last weeks, isn't it?! Fucking around with some guys! Did you do it behind my back often? No, I don't want to know!”

She gets up, collects a few articles of clothing and shoves them into the bag that still sits next to the couch. It makes Louis sad seeing her fuming like this. Eleanor is normally a kind and sweet girl—though she has a sarcastic streak just like him. Louis might not have loved her romantically, but he loves her enough to feel the pang of guilt for being the one to hurt her. He should have thought about that before he has agreed to dating her.

She throws the bag at him. “Out!”, she yells and points in the direction of the door. “Get out! And don't you dare show your dickface here again!”

Louis silently obeys her. Whatever excuses he can make, she won't hear him out right now, and Louis is not even sure he could get out what has been weighing him down the past years, so he just walks to the door that is forcefully slammed behind him as soon as he is out.

He exhales shakily. He is not sure what he has expected. Her being happy for him to finally admit his sexuality? As if. She has kicked him out, and she has every right to do so, but Louis is heartbroken that she has actually done it. He feels tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He has fucked up, he has fucked up everything. And he believes that none of this would have happened if he had just been honest to Harry five years ago, if he had told him that he wanted to be with him. Of course, Harry would still have rejected him, but maybe he could have gone about his life differently. He could have a nice boyfriend by now and wouldn't have to worry about all the fucking things that are wrong in his life.

He drags his bag and himself down the stairs and out on the streets. He has no idea where he should go now. His home is no longer his home, and he can't risk going back to London. His feet start walking, bringing him to the train station. He buys a ticket and boards the train. It's just for picking up the rest of his things, he tells himself.


End file.
